Fostering is exhausting, frustrating and at times makes me wanna run away and hide. It is hard, hard, hard. Hard on everyone involved. It is also sad and inferiorating. Sad that this child placed with us was basically born and then ignored and abused by her mother. So neglected in fact that basic life skills a two year old can perform come hard to her. This child is a huge challenge and some days I really want to throw the towel in. This last week was particularly rough and it was rough on all of us. We realized a long time ago that she wasn't a good fit with us, shortly after she was placed here in fact. We all do our best to be patient, some days go better than others. I realize not all, probably not many, foster children will fit in with their foster families. They have come from SUCH a different culture than we are accustomed to. I do feel however that some foster children are easier than others and I feel she is particularly difficult. I remind myself daily that God doesn't give us more than he feels we can handle and that we are growing while trying to help her grow.
There are good days where I think to myself that maybe, just maybe, some of what we are teaching may be retained as this child grows. Some days there is more hope than others. I listen when she talks and explain things when she asks. I hug, kiss and love on her as much as she is comfortable with. I encourage and praise for a job well done. I see her excitement when she brings home a good grade all while knowing that she could have cared less what her grades were last school year. Maybe this is why God put her here, because our kids strive so hard to excel in all areas and they are modeling this for her.
I have come to realize that a line needs to be drawn as to how much time is spent on her. I was putting my bio children on the back burner for her and that is unacceptable. They deserve and need as much time as I give to her. Yes, she has a lot of catching up to do that they don't but they are MY kids FOREVER. They ALL deserve equal time and attention.
I will keep showing her what real love is, continue modeling what appropriate behavior looks like, and most of all I will pray for her and continue telling her how special God made her and how much he loves her. I will also pray for strength for my family from Him as this placement is rough.
