Days go by

Fostering is exhausting, frustrating and at times makes me wanna run away and hide.  It is hard, hard, hard.  Hard on everyone involved.  It is also sad and inferiorating.  Sad that this child placed with us was basically born and then ignored and abused by her mother.  So neglected in fact that basic life skills a two year old can perform come hard to her.  This child is a huge challenge and some days I really want to throw the towel in.  This last week was particularly rough and it was rough on all of us. We realized a long time ago that she wasn't a good fit with us, shortly after she was placed here in fact.  We all do our best to be patient, some days go better than others.   I realize not all, probably not many, foster children will fit in with their foster families.  They have come from SUCH a different culture than we are accustomed to.  I do feel however that some foster children are easier than others and I feel she is particularly difficult.  I remind myself daily that God doesn't give us more than he feels we can handle and that we are growing while trying to help her grow.


There are good days where I think to myself that maybe, just maybe, some of what we are teaching may be retained as this child grows.  Some days there is more hope than others.  I listen when she talks and explain things when she asks.  I hug, kiss and love on her as much as she is comfortable with.  I encourage and praise for a job well done.  I see her excitement when she brings home a good grade all while knowing that she could have cared less what her grades were last school year.  Maybe this is why God put her here, because our kids strive so hard to excel in all areas and they are modeling this for her.

 I have come to realize that a line needs to be drawn as to how much time is spent on her.  I was putting my bio children on the back burner for her and that is unacceptable.  They deserve and need as much time as I give to her.  Yes, she has a lot of catching up to do that they don't but they are MY kids FOREVER.  They ALL deserve equal time and attention.

I will keep showing her what real love is, continue modeling what appropriate behavior looks like, and most of all I will pray for her and continue telling her how special God made her and how much he loves her.  I will also pray for strength for my family from Him as this placement is rough.

Check out this FANTASTIC giveaway for an AMAZING cause!

Go here and check out The Matthews Family Blog!  They are having an amazing giveaway as a fundraiser for their adoption....and I really mean an AMAZING giveaway of uniquely wonderful items for an incredible cause!  I just purchased a t-shirt from them for a birthday gift not long ago and the quality is fantastic.  As you know I hold orphans near and dear to my heart and hope very much to start our adoption journey sooner rather than later.  So please, please, please help this incredible family to bring their precious little girl home to her forever family!

Today's Visit

My foster daughter, whom I will call Tara, had a visit today.  I was relieved that her mom actually showed up, especially being that she has a no show tendency.  I have heard today from two different case aides, these are the people who supervise the visits, that Tara has some major issues with reverting to baby like tendencies when around "mom".   I was also told that she is a completely different little girl as soon as she is around mom.  Apparently she wants all the attention and doesn't want mom to give any attention to her older brother.  She starts to suck her thumb, a habit that isn't displayed much here.  Tara also whines when at visits if she doesn't get her way...something I WILL NOT tolerate.  I can't handle whining, it hurts my brain.

 I think a lot about what is inside her at such a young age.  What spurs her actions and emotions.  Did she have all the attention at home and now that she has to share with brother she doesn't like it?  I know that at home, before the children were removed, mom thought Tara was an angel that did no wrong.  Mom blamed Tara's older brother for all the wrong doing and trouble that happened.  Maybe now mom is seeing that it wasn't all brother?

Tara has told me several times that it is her brother, Brady's, fault that they were removed.  That if he didn't talk back to mom, Kara, none of this would've happened.  I've tried to explain that no amount of back talk enables a parent to hit a child in the manner that their mom hit them.  When I told her this she said "so, mom hits us all the time."   These kids were brought into care because of abuse to the brother.  Apparently no marks were left on Tara.  My heart breaks for these kids.

And so the adventure begins....

To start I will offer you a bit of background information....

I am married to my high school sweetheart who is very much the love of my life.  We are polar opposites which is why, I feel, we compliment each other perfectly.  After 15 years of marriage there is still nowhere I would rather be at the end of the day than in his arms.

I have wanted to be a foster and adoptive mom for nearly as long as I have wanted to be a biological mom.  I wanted to give of myself to children who were in the midst of very hard times. So here I am, a foster mom, 20 years and three fantastic biological children later.  

I have been a full time child care provider for 16 years.  This career choice has enabled me to have my kiddos at home with me which has been a wonderful blessing.  It has also taught me  so much about taking care of  other peoples children.   

I created this blog for many reasons....mainly to give me a place to journal about the daily ins and outs of foster care,  a place to purge my feelings and emotions, and also a place to let my mind wander about what I see and learn. 

Going into foster care I wanted and felt up to a challenge and I have certainly found it.  I am choosing to embrace this adventure whole heartedly while hoping and praying that I can be the difference a child needs.